How "playing small" is making you worse + 1 thing you can do to change it

I found myself bawling the other day over this.

Don't worry- baby girl is totally fine ❤️ And we're somehow just 3 months away from her due date! It's coming up so fast.

As I've been approaching this radical change in my life, I find myself doing a lot of reflecting.

I'm reflecting on how things in life have changed over the past year, 5 years, 10 years.  The decisions that, small at the time, have from the stand point of now, had a radical impact on getting me to this moment.

I'm reflecting on what I really want. What I want with my dreams and aspirations, my career, my business, my relationships, my time.

I think big moments in life (like being pregnant or changing jobs or moving or changing relationship status) has a way of precipitating this.  The tectonic shift that these big changes bring ripples into just about everything.

And yet ironically, it has been all the small choices that felt so insignificant at the time that fashion the mountainous peaks and valleys of my experience.

All this reflecting let me to update something that had felt insignificant when I started, but as I went through the process, I saw as more and more significant.

I updated my 'About Me' on my website.  

And as I wrote it, reread it, tweaked it, and tweaked it some more, I could not stop crying 😭

Not just crying a little bit. But bawling.

The gamut of emotions caught me off guard.

And it made me realize, something I've touched before but didn't really think too much of: that I've been holding back.

I've been holding back really sharing who I am.  I've been holding back on my authenticity. I've been hiding the parts of me that feel raw and vulnerable. I've been withholding my stories and my experiences, sticking with things that I think 'other people' will want to hear.

I don't know if this resonates with you too.  But if it does, I hope me sharing this serves you in someway.  

Because as I wrote my 'About Me' and reflected on this, I realized that I don't need to hide any more.

I don't need to play small.

I was afraid of feeling hurt.  Of simply feeling the woundedness of my past.

And yet writing this piece, sharing it for all to see, and shedding those tears was extremely cathartic to me.

It felt freeing.

The tears weren't because I was sad and couldn't bear it, but because it felt so good to allow myself to be seen.

And I think this could be true for you too.

It's easier to play small.  To pretend something doesn't matter to us.  To ignore what we want, what we feel, for what we think is the benefit of others.

But those are all made up stories. Stories that we quite literally concoct in our head to protect us from our fears, our pain.

And ironically, those stories keep us stuck experiencing the same fear and pain that we're trying to avoid 😳

So I'm letting myself break free from my own made up cage.

And I want to invite you to do this same.

What are the ways you play yourself down? Put yourself on the back burning? Choose everyone else over you, again?

Here are some potential examples:

- Not going for that walk you wanted because it would "take time away" from your kids or mean your partner has to cook dinner.

- Not painting or reading or writing or singing (doing something you love) because you have to be 'productive'.

- Avoiding spending money on something you want (that cute purse, that gym membership, that class) because you have to be 'responsible'.

You're hiding who you are and what you actually need behind the guise of being 'good'.  And let's be honest- it's not working.

You're still exhausted. You're frustrated. You're at the edge of your rope. You feel trapped and caged in. You feel like you're watching your life slip away and pass you by. 

But you don't have to anymore.

I invite you to try this one simple thing: just answer this question with the first thing that comes to your mind. Trust your intuition.

What is one simple, grounded thing you can do in the next 24 hours to honor your Self?

Keep it simple, easy, clear.  Something you can do, no matter what, in the next 24 hours.

Follow what your heart has been desiring, follow your intuition. 

If you have been craving some quiet- maybe its that you'll set a timer for 1 minute before you open your computer and just breathe or listen to your favorite song.

If you've been craving some sunshine, maybe its that you'll stand outside with your coffee or tea in the morning for 1 minute. Or go on a 5 minute walk.

Make this so doable that you can't NOT do it.

You matter. You don't need to hide or play small anymore.

Now is your time to shine ✨